I am Enough…

I have often wondered…am I enough? Am I attractive enough, talented enough, smart enough, strong enough….am I enough?

I am realizing that all of those questions pertain to how I am perceived by other people and not how I perceive myself. I can’t say that I don’t care if other people feel any of those things about me but I can say that I haven’t felt many of those things about me.

I am learning, growing….loving and liking me, all new feelings for me. It may sound odd but who I am to me hasn’t ever really been established. I shy away from compliments and I’ve never really praised myself because….well, I’m not quite sure why.

I am learning to become more Thankful…

Thank you body of mine for holding me up when I felt like curling up and dying, for my legs that run miles without stopping, for my hands that have wiped away tears and touched warm faces, my feet that love fantastic shoes but can still appreciate soft, fleece bed sheets.

Thank you brain for allowing me to think on my feet, be creative even though I doubt myself, be funny when I feel like it, hold onto my thoughts of shoes and fashionable things.

Thank you eyes for allowing me to see beautiful faces, things and places.

To my ears, you are critical to my hearing the cries of little tears, belly laughs, my name being called in English and Spanish, the words of criticism that fuel me to keep going, the words..”I think you are beautiful”.. thank you so much.

Lastly…My heart…how precious you are, I have allowed others to mistreat you, I have tried to stop you from beating and yet you continue to pump blood through my veins. Thank you for never letting go, for your unending desire to beat faster when I am excited, aroused or afraid. Thank you for fueling my entire body…

In this moment, I am enough…

Me

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Inspired

I am tired but  a well deserved tired….I ran the Thanksgiving Day Race yesterday. It’s a 10k or 6.2 miles and I did it in 1:12:34…..I beat my PR by 2 minutes and I am genuinely okay with that!

I did it…I didn’t stop! I pushed through the negative thoughts my brain was sending…you are so tired, your legs feel so heavy…do you really want to run up this hill? I am an overcomer and  an achiever! Today I am so proud of me…..I know I am headed down the running path that I want to go on. I am not just doing it to run off steam but to inspire maybe my family….

I am going to reward myself with something new to run in….Bob Ronker’s Running Spot, here I come! I’ll be supporting Small Business Saturday!

Me

I am not a Quitter…

I have not fallen off the face of the earth nor have I forgotten about what I said I would do in regards to my blog.

I have, however, as I have done in the past allowed other things and people to defer my attention away from my blog. I love blogging and here I am again apologizing to my blogging buddies…if I still have any…for my lack of attention and respect for your blog and mine. I am going to forgive myself and I hope you will do the same. Journeys have winding roads and scary corners, highs and lows and I believe I am hitting every one of them all at the same time. I do also believe that this is good for me…never thought I would say that…it’s good for me to know that I will be alright.

No matter how tough things have been and are going to be….I will be alright. I am not quitting on myself anymore or giving myself the easy way out. I have to stick to my guns, fire them and blow off the smoke. My battles are tough and so are my enemies, however, I am stronger and tougher..Thank you Lord!

First order of business, my weight and nutrition…let’s go!

Me

Why?

Today has felt like a why day. Why exactly are we not moving the boxes that are already packed to the new office? Why do we have to do this on Saturday morning? Why are they shutting off the internet at 3:00pm while I am still working? Why is this day happening to me today?

I bought a laptop from my job, had to buy a replacement charger, virus protection and a wireless router. I finally received the charger today and bought the router and downloaded the virus software. So I as I am attempting to download the router to the laptop, I realize I need a cable and so all I do is close the laptop to bring it to another room.

I open it back up and the screen is black and has been for an hour. The power is on, I know because the blue light is on….what did I do wrong? Why, why, why?…………so mad! So disappointed! Why have I become so susceptible to disappointments? My parade is being rained on more and more….is this part of the process? Am I in the eye of the storm because I am overlooking situations I need to resolve?

Why right now? I am not going to think about this anymore…I need rest tomorrow is another day!

Me

Clean House

As I look around my room, I’ve noticed that I am holding onto things that are weighing me down. I have a coffee table with old bills, magazines and miscellaneous things. What is it that makes me “hoard” these things instead of letting them go? Am I afraid that I will miss something? How do you let go of the things that haunt you…how do you move past the old and outdated and into the calm and clean?

My home is cluttered and in a disarray, I can’t sleep and I now believe it is because my mind cannot compartmentalize anything! I have to release myself….I removed 7 catalogs from 07′ that were in a magazine rack and several old bills. I think I am headed near the right direction but more things in my life need to change.

My beginning

For 2011, I decided to blog about my goal to redefine who I am or rather who I want to become. This is my chance to talk about my journey….I am rediscovering who I am as woman. I have lost my way and I am going to get myself together….I will be posting on this blog once a day / once a week for all of 2011.

I know it won’t be easy, but I am ready and I need this. Therefore I’m promising to make use of The DailyPost and the community of other bloggers with similar goals to help me along the way, including asking for help when I need it and encouraging others when I can.

Let’s walk together…

Me